You can start making your marriage stronger and more intimate by learning how to be a better husband starting today. In this article, you’ll get 21 practical tips for strengthening your marriage by becoming a better husband.
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In this article:
- How to Be a Better Husband by Focusing on Her
- How to Become a Better Husband by Working on Yourself
- How to Be a Better Husband by Focusing on the Marriage
How to Be a Better Husband and Make Your Marriage Work
How to Be a Better Husband by Focusing on Her
1. Every Now and Then, Do Her Chores
Be a true partner by sharing some of the least exciting parts of marriage, such as household chores.
Surprise her once in a while by doing her chores, especially on evenings when she’s more tired than usual. For an even greater impact, do the chores she hates doing without being asked.
2. Encourage Your Spouse to Be Vulnerable
During dinners or while in bed, ask her how her day went, how she is, and how she feels. Back it up with a follow-up question or two to help draw out her thoughts and emotions.
More importantly, be kind to her, especially when she shares something that may upset you. When you’re kind to her regardless, you send a subtle but powerful message that you can handle her emotions and she can be vulnerable with you.
3. Learn to Listen Actively
Don’t just hear her speak, listen to her intentionally. This means you have to pay attention, not interrupt, and give her enough time to finish in between thoughts.
This also means not trying to solve her problems for her when she expresses them to you. Most of the time, women just want their men to listen to them and after ranting, they’re usually ok and cheer up.
4. Love the Same Things She Loves
Be friends with her friends, take a genuine interest in what she’s interested in, and talk about the things she likes.
Do things she likes even if you don’t feel like it. When you do, you’ll be able to clearly communicate to her how important she is to you.
5. Defend Her
Women appreciate having their men stand up for them. When someone disses your wife or is rude to her in a public setting, defend her.
Just make sure you get her permission first. Don’t presume she can’t defend herself.
During family squabbles, make sure to take her side and defend her. The best way you can do this is to discuss with her beforehand what your common stand is.
6. Give Her Space
When she wants to be alone, leave her alone.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes, your wife just needs space, especially if she’s an introvert.
When she’s in a bad mood, just give her the benefit of the doubt. We all have days when we are in a bad mood and that includes you.
7. Show and Tell Her You Love Her
Do it privately and depending on her preferences, even publicly. Be as creative as possible with your romantic gestures.
- Privately, slip unexpected love notes in her bag or purse she can read during the day.
- Publicly, if she’s comfortable with it, engage in subtle social media public displays of affection (SMPDA) like a heart emoticon on her latest post.
Part of this is complimenting and praising her for her genuine characteristics and the things she does. Doing so makes her feel appreciated and loved, too.
Even better, tell your friends and colleagues something great about your wife when you first introduce her to them. More than just showing her you love her, communicate how proud you are to be married to her.
8. Be Patient with Her
Nobody’s perfect, not even your wife. Regardless of how much you love and adore her, she’s also like you, with quirks and shortcomings, too.
When they manifest and you feel impatience and irritation welling up, think — can you be patient enough to just listen to her or bear with her at the moment? Or is your patience walking on thin ice and is about to break?
If you think you’re on the verge of reacting negatively to her, consider taking a few deep breaths. If it fails to calm you down, tell her nicely.
Step away for a while so you can more objectively and patiently deal with the issue.
Also, be realistic with her. Nobody’s perfect, and expecting too much from her is being unfair to her and can strain your marriage.
9. Spend Quality Time with Her
Quality time refers to both the amount and quality of time you spend with her. Take time to reflect on how much time you spend with her and on other things, like watching TV.
Except for work, which you need to support your family with, your wife must have the lion’s share of your free time. If not, think about how you can cut time for less important stuff and spend more time with her.
To work on the quality of your time, think of doing fun and exciting things when you’re with her. They don’t necessarily have to be expensive or exotic – they just need to be fun and exciting.
Finally, quality time is also about how much of your time with her involves connecting, confronting, or doing nothing. Try to make as much of your time with her about connecting and increasing intimacy and less about confrontations or nothings.
10. Learn to Seduce Her
This may sound manipulative or even downright evil, but it’s not. It’s one of the best things you can do for your wife.
The point of seducing your wife is to make her want to have sex with you. Having sex with her when she wants it makes her enjoy it even more.
By learning to seduce your wife, you’re able to give her much more pleasure during sex. When you learn how to effectively seduce her, you make her excited to have sex with you.
Learning to seduce your wife is one of the best gifts you can give her as a husband.
How to Become a Better Husband by Working on Yourself
11. Learn to Be More Vulnerable
Compared to men, women are more emotional in the sense that they value emotional intimacy. Expressing how you feel or what you think can help with your intimacy.
Tell her what you like, love, and are passionate about. This allows her to connect emotionally with you, too.
Vulnerability also includes confronting her when it’s needed. There are times when it’s necessary for the sake of the marriage.
In these instances, sweeping things under the rug can be more harmful in the long run.
Speaking of confrontations, try not to make it seem like it’s her fault as much as possible. You can do this by emphasizing how you feel about something she did or said instead of emphasizing how bad or irresponsible she was.
For example, if she said something about you in public that pissed you off, don’t say, “You were insensitive earlier.” Instead say, “What you said earlier made me feel inadequate about myself.”
Be careful about being too honest or vulnerable, particularly about things that can potentially create conflicts between the two of you. For feelings and thoughts that might be sensitive to her, write them down first and think about whether or not it’s worth expressing them vis-a-vis the potential fallout it may create.
Also, don’t make her your sole emotional crutch. She can only take so much.
If you have a serious and chronic emotional or mental struggle, seek professional therapy. They can better handle your issues and help you deal with them.
12. Look Good for Her
Part of being a good husband is being an attractive one. Being physically fit is one of the best ways to continue being attractive to your wife.
Between strength training or resistance training exercises and cardiovascular ones, prioritize the former. It helps burn fat faster and unlike cardio, it helps build and shape your muscles, too, making you look hotter.
Another thing you can do is to practice proper grooming.
- Shave or keep your beard trimmed well;
- Brush your teeth, take a bath; and
- Keep your hair kempt because even the little things mean a lot.
Be mindful of your wardrobe, too, because a well-dressed husband is an attractive one. You don’t need to dress like a male model, just wear clothes and accessories that make you look good and feel confident about yourself.
13. Have Regular Medical Checkups
One of the best ways to be a great husband is growing old with your wife. An important part of that is staying as healthy as possible for as long as possible.
14. Learn to Be Great in Bed
Learn the art of foreplay instead of rushing things. One of the best ways to do foreplay is oral sex.
Believe me, cunnilingus is one of the most pleasurable things you can do for a woman in bed, which not a lot of guys are willing to do. If you do it for her, you’ll be among a scarce breed of men and an excellent husband.
The best foreplay, however, is emotional foreplay. Given that men and women usually feel and express emotions differently, you’ll need to prime up your wife’s feelings way before you have sex to improve your physical intimacy.
Be romantic throughout the day, do things for her she won’t expect and excite her by giving subtle but naughty hints throughout the day. Anticipation is the best way to prime her up for great sex later in the evening.
And if you have little or no clue on how to best please her in bed, just ask her.
15. Take the Lead
One of the best ways you can be a great husband is learning how to lead your wife well. Part of this is taking the lead in making decisions for your family and doing things that are hard but necessary.
You’ll need wisdom in this area because there’ll be situations when you’ll need to exercise leadership even if she disagrees. Know when to assert your leadership and when to give her the leeway to decide.
16. Be a Man of Integrity
Nothing else makes for a bad husband than one who his wife can’t trust.
As a man, your word is your bond. When you make promises to her, keep it.
In the event when you can’t keep your promise, whether or not it’s your fault, be honest about it and take responsibility.
Don’t lie and blame others or your circumstances. Be a man and owe up to it.
A very important area of integrity is money, so talk about it openly and be honest about your family’s finances. If you do, you and your spouse can nip financial problems in the bud together.
Another area where you can exercise integrity is when your wife asks you if she looks good in what she’s wearing. As you may have already experienced, this can be a very slippery slope if you answer wrongly.
You can be honest but minimize the risks of ticking her off or discouraging her. If she doesn’t look good in something, tell her what looks good on her.
By doing this, you don’t focus on what makes her look bad but on what can make her look fab.
17. Spend Regular Time with Other Husbands, Too
Spend time with couples who have beautiful, intimate, and exciting marriages because you can learn much from them. You can also get much needed emotional and intellectual support on how to become a much better husband.
18. Maintain a Healthy Level of Unpredictability
Many marriages crumble because, over the years, familiarity and boredom started to become the norm. Being the leader of the marriage, a husband has the responsibility to proactively keep the excitement and unpredictability alive.
To keep the marriage exciting and unpredictable, you must maintain a healthy level of unpredictability. How can you do that?
One of the best ways to do this is by not always completely giving your wife what she wants.
The point here isn’t to be selfish and deprive your wife of everything she wants but to maintain a healthy level of unpredictability. You can do this by:
- Providing her with what she wants exactly how she wants it on some days;
- Giving her what she wants but according to your terms on some days, too; give it to her tomorrow or give her something similar to what she’s asking; and
- Completely denying what she wants on rare occasions.
By not giving her everything she wants all the time, you can continue being “challenging” and unpredictable to her. These are two important characteristics that keep women excited and attracted to their men, and their marriages exciting and fun over the long term.
How to Be a Better Husband by Focusing on the Marriage
19. Remember and Reminisce
Be particular about your romantic relationship’s milestones, such as your anniversary and your firsts (e.g. first time you met, first time you kissed). And more importantly, relive them every now and then by reminiscing with her and with friends.
20. Continually Invest in the Marriage
Many husbands take their future retirement seriously by, among other things, saving and investing in tax-advantaged retirement accounts every month. It’s because they know a solid and well-financed retirement depends on making small but consistent investments throughout their working years.
As a husband, you should lead your wife in consistently investing in your marriage, regardless if they’re small or big ones. Irregular investments in your marriage won’t work as well as frequent ones when it comes to building a strong marriage.
What does it mean to invest continually in your marriage beyond finances? Here are some examples:
- Making sure you don’t work on weekends so you can go on regular dates;
- Scheduling out-of-town or out-of-the-country vacations at least once a year to continuously build new and beautiful memories throughout your marriage;
- Going out with her and her friends once in a while;
- Getting into new hobbies or activities as a couple like running, cooking, etc.; and
- Going on couples’ retreats or seminars once a year or once every two years.
Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were busy laying bricks every hour. When it comes to building a strong and enduring marriage, consistent investments, both small and big, are key.
21. Get Professional Help
Now, this sounds like it’s very serious or it’s only for marriages that are on the rocks, but it’s not.
Just like your car that’s due for a 30,000-mile check-up and maintenance works, the point is prevention. Over the years, the emotional mileage in your relationship may have caused some wear and tear in your marriage, regardless of how tiny and insignificant they may be.
You’ll never know the extent unless you get the help of competent people outside your marriage. Being outside of it, they can provide objective assessments and propose solutions.
Professional help doesn’t necessarily mean seeing a couples’ therapist, though it can help, depending on your marital situation. It can be as simple as attending couples’ retreats, seeing a counselor once in a while, or seeing married friends whose relationship you want to take cues from.
Always remember, prevention is much better than cure. Always.
Don’t forget to download, save, or share this handy infographic for reference:
When it comes to having a healthy marriage, the primary responsibility lies with husbands – the buck stops with them. If you want to maximize the joy and satisfaction in your marriage, take the lead by first learning how to be a better husband.
Do you have other ideas for becoming a better husband? What are some of the tips for long-term relationships you live by? Share them with us in the comments section below!
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Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on October 2, 2019, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.